The R Word

The 13toMan seminar uses the 4 principles of manhood as stated in Robert Lewis' book Raising A Modern Day Knight. I strongly recommend this book to any father of a son. The second part of our definition of a man is - a real man accepts responsibility.

I stood in the hall of the hospital in Des Moines alone. We had moved there just a few months earlier so we didn’t have many close relationships. Family was on the way from Texas. My wife had just given birth to our first child. After they checked my daughter out and bathed her she slept in the hospital nursery. My wife was resting also. I was completely alone. I realized in those few minutes that I was responsible for my little girl. I had no one to ask what to do next. I clearly remember the feeling of parental responsibility for the first time.

Being a man means that we accept the responsibility that God has given us. In John 4, Jesus' disciples are concerned about Him and try to get Him to eat. His response accepts the responsibility of a man. "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and accomplish His work."

Quoting Lewis "... the wise father will train his son to embrace these with enthusiasm: a will to obey (God's will as revealed in the scriptures), a work to do (not just the work of his job, but also the work in his home, church, and community), and a woman to love (his wife)."

We all know the guy at work that never accepts responsibility when things go wrong. Men in our culture (and most others too I would imagine) blame everyone else but themselves for the ills around us. Obviously we live in a broken, fallen world. It is much easier for our boys to learn to become men that accept responsibility from us than any other way.

DC Talks' song In The Light phrases it well.

I am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do

What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a savior

Dads, what ways are you using to teach your boys to accept responsibility? Are you doing a good job of modeling it?

Sign the Contract

My wife is a reader, me not so much. When it became apparent that our oldest daughter was going to soon become a teenager, my wife began to read books on how to parent this strange and new to us creature. She would read the books and I would try to read as much as I could. Having her point out the high points helped.

One of the high points was an idea that is very helpful in our goal of turning our young sons into Godly men. I don’t remember the book title or even all the details (I’ll search for it one of these days and get back to you with the specifics.) The gist of it was that we should have goals for our kid’s development. At a specific point in time (birthday, start of school year, New Years day…) parent and growing kid sit down and make the plan for the next year. What are the goals for the year academically, spiritually, socially? What new responsibilities will be given? What new freedoms will be earned? What is the reward when everything has been accomplished? Once all has been decided a contract is created and signed by parents and growing kid.

While I'm not much of a reader I am a really good adapter. I like to use others ideas and adapt them to my situation. We started out with something that went along with the book with our oldest daughter. I will say that the results were somewhat mixed. Along the way it became more adapted to specific situations. I will also have to admit that I have become a little lazy as a parent with my younger kids. I think I could do a better job of fathering if I put a little more effort into this with #s 3 – 5 in planning their growth.

So, how can you adapt this idea for your family? What steps can you map out for the growth of your son to a man? We all need a plan. Sharing our plan with others can help all of us as dads.